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Thursday evening

For some reason today felt like Sunday. Since I don't work or manage time at all, it just gets away from me. One day becomes like last Wednesday. Retired in Vietnam was even more so. I completely lost track. My friend V would message me to ask if we would eat lunch out that day as planned. I could not for the life of me figure out what had happened to the days. I had not "done" anything. I did not "plan" anything. I had no schedules or timelines or todo's. I just did. Like meditating. Just arriving Jeff says is good enough. I like his style. To do Jeff's meditation you don't have to "do" anything. You just have to "be". I think it is really hard to just "be" at times. We want to do and think things through or engage in silly mental meandering on the interminable "what if" scenarios. Waste of time because all we do is wait until we are sitting quietly and then the things come washing over us. Whether Thursday evening or not. So on any ole evening or day or morning I just arrive and be.

Walking can be the same way. I used to think,

I will figure this out when I walk

I did not figure anything out. Sometimes the wind caught me and I traveled with the leaves blowing down the road sideways or in front of me. My steps echoed the heartbeats of a solitary life out walking. I would later walk in so many cities and the turns left or right or going backwards or straight ahead never mattered a damn. I once walked in Tokyo and just took the first small side street. I walked down small alleys and streets. Over a freeway. Down a small shopping district until I saw a street in front of me with a signal light. And wow! It was the same same street I had started on. Proof positive for me that I should never plan anything or attempt anything or try to achieve anything unless it was a passion. I had one of those in Vietnam but it went away. In truth I would have walked its walk and run its passions but things bigger came up against it so I left. I figured while discussing walking that I had to go because...

I had to wander and vagabond and hobo around. I could not sit in the same place even Vietnam. There was too much to see. So on my last Thursday night in Vietnam, I realized silently that I had to go and I was both sad and happy that Thursday night. I stayed out drinking that day and came back both drunk and sober from all the beer. I sat with Paul and we talked walking and going and staying.

A Thursday then. A Thursday now. Only a week separates them but now I see over the next hill to a day when I leave California again. To wander around, to vagabond, to find nothing and look for nothing. And I know Vietnam waits for me patiently. Like this song, I whisper hello.

Hello Vietnam. Like V said, never say goodbye to me. Just say you will see me when you come back home. Maybe on a Thursday. Who knows.

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